Worst Driver You Know Trusted to Drive Multi-Millionaire Donor
Last Thursday, Jake Breyer, a Texas A&M Foundation Maroon Coat and proud owner of six outstanding speeding tickets, was entrusted with the responsibility of driving former students Barbara and Waylan McClaren, who have an estimated combined net worth of $1.78 billion, in a golf cart from the Foundation to Mays Business School. Breyer, who recently totaled his 2021 Ford F-250 as he tried to run through a yellow light turning left from George Bush Drive onto Wellborn Road, was reportedly delighted at the opportunity.
The McClarens, most notable for their donations to the renovation of Aggie Park and the gubernatorial campaign of Tony Buzzbee, were blissfully unaware of Breyer’s driving record, which to date includes six speeding tickets, two citations for car accidents, three citations for failure to observe a stop sign, one ticket for passing a school bus, and a DWI for which he is currently on probation.
“I’m so glad I got to talk to the McClarens while we were driving,” Breyer said as he narrowly swerved around a student on a moped. “These golf carts only go, like, 35 miles per hour max, so it makes it a lot safer than driving the donors around in a car.” Last week, Breyer ran into a stop sign at the intersection of Olsen Boulevard and John Kimbrough when he was speaking with a Mays Business School donor.
A representative for the Texas A&M Foundation was seen peeling out of the Foundation parking lot in a 2022 Cadillac Escalade when reached for comment.
— Flash it Back, Ags
You may have seen her skulking around campus in a beige trenchcoat, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal her ass to unsuspecting students. An exhibitionist at heart, she’s been arrested for streaking fifteen times since 2012. UPD is aware of her presence and is doing their best to keep her away from sporting events, graduations, and the background of promotional materials. You can often find her doing squats at the Rec. If you ask politely, she might just show you her assets.