Scholarship Recipient Cadet Questions High School Self’s Decision to Join Military

Last week, senior cadet Jack Sharpe began questioning whether his high school self really understood the potential consequences of accepting a military scholarship. Both the Ukrainian War and an ethics course have forced Sharpe to grapple with what his 5 five years of legally obligated military service could require of him.

Sharpe first became conflicted when his military ethics professor spent the entire first day asking the class how they would handle situations pitting duty against the protection of both innocents and fellow soldiers. Singled out for his immaculately polished boots, he was repeatedly asked,: “what would you do? You have to decide now. Do you bomb these possible civilians, or do you risk your men walking into an ambush?”

Considering the horrors of war for the first time,  Sharpe spent sleepless nights considering this question and has attended office hours more than any other military ethics student.

When reached for comment, Sharpe said, “Look I just wanted to go to college. The recruiter told me I’d get some experience and get to hang out in Germany for a year or two. I didn’t even think about actually fighting, and now I’m in too deep.”

Cadet Sharpe is now five years or several hundred thousand dollars from being even with Uncle Sam. He has refused to comment further on this story and was last seen reading “All Quiet on the Western Front” and looking nauseous.

— Fish Camp Floozy