Report: Car Still Best Mode of Transportation for Frequent Criers

Despite the popularity of non-automobile commuting to campus, a new study conducted by Texas A&M Transportation Services shows that driving to campus is still the best mode of transportation for sad, weepy girls who frequently sob.

“Since I started biking, my calves are so strong, and I don’t get as winded when I walk up a few flights of stairs anymore,” said Angela Menzo, a junior economics major who traded her parking pass for a 12-speed bicycle in September. “But I miss crying in my car so much. It just isn’t the same when everyone can see, hear, and judge you.”

“It would be cheaper for me to walk or take the bus to campus, but the unparalleled comfort of bawling my eyes out in West Campus Garage is priceless,” said Jenna Mulp. Mulp also shared that she thinks of the expense by how much use she gets out of the parking pass, and by increasing her cry times, she believes her price-per-park is going down.

In addition to the privacy afforded by driving your own car to campus, emotionally turbulent drivers also gain time for self-reflection when they leave campus to sit in traffic. Depending on the route, drivers may spend up to 20 minutes sitting alone with their thoughts. Some students report gratitude for the extra time to reflect and pray, while others report a second wave of tears before getting home and starting homework.

 

— Ring Chunks