Texas A&M Service Dogs Unionize to Receive Pets
During this morning’s monthly meeting of the United Service Dogs Union at a local dog park, the head of College Station’s local branch, a golden retriever named Young Yeller, announced the organization would demand service dogs be allowed to receive “affectionate pets from passersby.”
“All dogs have an inherent right to belly rubs!” said Young Yeller in his speech. “Brothers and sisters, why should we be treated as second-class canines because we have dedicated our lives to helping others? No, we can no longer sit, lie down, and roll over for this injustice.”
Yeller’s words have already created a stir across campus with hashtags like “#PetsForAll” and “#BellyRubsOrBust” trending on Aggie Twitter and dogs across campus weighing in with their opinion. The movement has gained so much momentum that Reveille was asked about it in her morning press conference.
“Wait, there are other dogs on campus besides me?” said Reveille.
Despite Reveille’s seeming indifference to the issue, the United Service Dogs Union remains confident that their demands will be met. According to recent reports, the service dogs are planning an organized sit-down at the next Student Senate meeting.
— BTHO Rabies
You’re fighting for your life, sweating bullets on a flag room couch. You got in a wrestling match with a Kyle Field bat and the bat won. He whooped you faster than a junior-by-hours. He beat the 12th man out of you. You better be glad he let you keep on ever-living… ever-loving… You’re alive, but now you feel it coursing through your veins: pure rage in the form of a viral infection. Sure you could get treatment, but old army’s tougher than that. Reveilles 1 through 8 would be rolling in their graves. There’s only one redass, good bull way to handle this. Say it with me now. BEAT. THE. HELL. OUTTA. RABIES. Whoop!