Clingy Student Emotionally Exhausted by Revolving Door of Academic Advisors
This morning, Grace Hodges left the Liberal Arts and Humanities Building after begging to be forced into a class, revealing her deep fear of failure and explaining what she had for breakfast to her new advisor. Eyewitnesses report that, upon exiting the building, Hodges proceeded to sit on a nearby outdoor bench and silently wipe away tears for half an hour.
“This new guy is alright, but I can’t help but feel like I’m not making the connection that I’m looking for.,” said Hodges after her advising session. “I swear I could see the Indeed homepage reflecting in his glasses. He’s clearly just not that into supporting my academic endeavors.”
When asked what her ideal advisor would be like, Hodges said she wants “someone who I can look forward to talking with, growing with, and doing life with. But, at this point, I guess I’m going to have to settle for someone who won’t stick around for more than a couple semesters.”
Alisha Dixon, a biomedical sciences major and friend of Hodges, was leaving Evans library when she witnessed Hodge’s breakdown. Dixon sat next to her, patted her back and assured her that she could be her own advisor if she tried hard enough, as they never did much for her anyways.
— Squat Pilgrim
Look, you didn’t ask for your roommate to be the buffest guy in the hall. You’re not opposed to staying fit, but if we’re being honest, you have no idea what this guy is up to most of the time. He’s always drinking brightly colored concoctions, going on about PRs, and blasting the worst music you’ve ever heard while he takes mirror pic after mirror pic. You can’t deny it though: the dude’s got some thighs. Some thick, thunderous, meaty thighs. Sometimes you wonder if it’s really jealousy you’re feeling or if it’s… something else. Never mind.