Trace Amounts of Radiation Found in Food at Sbisa Dining Hall

Texas A&M University is facing backlash after Sbisa Dining Hall failed a routine health inspection due to trace amounts of radiation being discovered in the food. While many students were shocked by this discovery, some students were not.

“I can believe it. One time I ate a bagel there and ended up in the hospital,” said Emily Sullivan ‘24. “I had to miss a lot of class because of it, but I’ve been feeling a lot better since I got my stomach transplant.”

It is unclear whether Texas A&M University officials plan to act on this report. Recently, a public petition called to make radiation poisoning a tradition, as many former students consider it an “essential Aggie experience”.

“People have asked me if I’ve heard about what’s been going on at Sbisa, but I always have to tell them I haven’t heard anything since I ate from the salad bar there back in ‘73,” said Edward Dooley‘77.

While much is unknown at the moment, university officials offered some words of reassurance. “We may not know where this radiation is coming from, but we definitely know it’s not from the nuclear testing site that has been hidden under the Academic Building since the late 1930s.”

 

— Trad Co Wife