New Men’s Org Just Named Patriarchy
According to the official list of recognized student organizations on MaroonLink, a new organization, simply named “Patriarchy”, lists its mission as “providing an inclusive place for all Aggies* to engage in community, fellowship, and leadership.”
Upon further investigation, the asterisk on “all Aggies” was clarified in the footnotes as property-owning white males with at least four generations of familial attendance at Texas A&M University. The familial attendance was further specified as being through the male line.
The membership requirements for Patriarchy, as listed in their constitution, can be found below.
“Everyone is welcome to apply for Patriarchy! To be considered for membership, applicants should meet the following requirements:
- Male
- White
- Own at least 14 acres of crop- or animal-producing property
- Christian, preferably Baptist
- Taller than 5’10”
- Not fat
- Able to down at least 12 beers in under four minutes
Even if you don’t meet our requirements, you are still welcome to apply. Please expect to be rejected within 1-2 business days of submitting your application. You will be told it’s because we had a competitive pool of applicants, but we will all know the real reason.”
“We’re committed to making sure everyone who has the right to be here feels welcome in our organization,” said Emory Bingham, a fourth-generation corn farmer and founder of Patriarchy. “We can’t technically say that we’re a men’s org, and we can’t technically say that we’re racist in our constitution, but I think we’re getting our point across.”
— Flash it Back, Ags
You may have seen her skulking around campus in a beige trenchcoat, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal her ass to unsuspecting students. An exhibitionist at heart, she’s been arrested for streaking fifteen times since 2012. UPD is aware of her presence and is doing their best to keep her away from sporting events, graduations, and the background of promotional materials. You can often find her doing squats at the Rec. If you ask politely, she might just show you her assets.