Unvented Organization Banner Launches Sorority Girls Into Space
According to multiple reports from motorists on George Bush Drive, two members of the Chi Eta sorority were launched into space while banner-holding for their philanthropy event, Bingo for Babies. The banner, a hand-painted bed sheet hung between two PVC pipes, did not have any vents cut to allow wind to pass through and thus dragged the two girls into the sky when a strong breeze ripped through the Wellborn Road intersection.
While the weather reports had indicated that the day would be extraordinarily windy, the sorority chose to continue bannering to promote their event. Isabella Roesler and Gracie Humphries were selected to hold the George Bush Drive banner due to their larger stature, as it was thought at the time that they could hold down the banner. Roesler, who is 5’3” and 115 pounds, and Humphries, who is 5’6” and 125 pounds, were last seen catapulting through the troposphere.
“It’s such a huge bummer to hear that Isabella and Gracie got dragged into the endless vacuum of space while they were banner-holding,” said Lauryn Harwood, the current Chi Eta president. “But I think they would want us to honor them by going to Bingo for Babies. Tickets are only $5 and you get a Comfort Colors t-shirt!”
At press time, Roesler and Humphries were suspended in the thermosphere. A transmission from the International Space Station indicated that the banner itself had reached the cosmos, a success for the outreach committee of Chi Eta.
— Flash it Back, Ags
You may have seen her skulking around campus in a beige trenchcoat, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal her ass to unsuspecting students. An exhibitionist at heart, she’s been arrested for streaking fifteen times since 2012. UPD is aware of her presence and is doing their best to keep her away from sporting events, graduations, and the background of promotional materials. You can often find her doing squats at the Rec. If you ask politely, she might just show you her assets.