Rudder Association Member Demands Grandchild Speak to Them Again

Texas A&M University former student Wyrick Jacobs ’68 declared publicly last night that his granddaughter, a junior communications major, has decided to give him the “silent treatment.” The treatment reportedly came as a surprise to him despite his involvement in the Rudder Association, an alumni-led group seeking to preserve traditionally conservative values at Texas A&M. As part of his declaration, Jacobs shared his hopes that his granddaughter will resume her routine text messages or voicemails on Christmas, Thanksgiving and occasionally his birthday.

Because Jacobs neglected to sign his open letter to the Rudder Association and Texas A&M community with anything other than “Sent from my iPhone,” it can be assumed that he desires anonymity while seeking support in his demand for attention from his granddaughter. Despite his efforts to remain anonymous, his actual identity as a former petroleum engineer and current retiree in Flower Mound, Texas was easily found from his granddaughter’s tagged Facebook photos.

In his email to the Rudder Association, Jacobs declared an ultimatum: either his granddaughter read and respond to his weekly slew of Buzzfeed articles, Facebook posts, and PragerU video clips, or he will be forced to pull funding from the summer vacation to South Padre he had promised earlier this year. Jacobs’ hardball tactics were met with widespread praise from fellow Rudder Association members, particularly from Patty Hart  ’73, who has felt the brunt of leftist indoctrination when her grandson autonomously decided to pierce his ears.

“I will look into the possibility of taking over her cell phone’s data plan as it exists,” Jacobs said. “It may require stealth to do it, and it may require setting up an alternative cell plan. I will probably start sending printed out copies of the Daily Wire until the takeover is complete.”

 

— Downtown Cryin’