Student Sues Lockdown Browser for Lowering Their GPA
After repeated rejections from summer internships, students have started to claim that the root of their failures lies in Texas A&M University stifling their greatness and lowering their GPA. The blatant disregard by professors for their academic success has prompted these students to file a lawsuit against Respondus Lockdown Browser on the basis that the program inhibited the use of students’ full knowledge and potential.
When questioned on the impact Respondus has had on her life, junior public health major Delaney Ooherdon said, “Spring 2020 was the highlight of my academic career. My GPA was the highest I’ve ever earned, but it was all downhill from there. The only thing that changed was that professors started requiring Respondus in all my classes.”
Recently released reports show drastic improvement in average GPA at Texas A&M. The average GPA rose from a 2.46 in fall 2019 to a 3.41 by the end of spring 2020. However, these reports also show numbers plunging to record lows when Respondus gained popularity with professors.
The hearing date for Texas A&M Students v. Respondus Lockdown Browser is set for April 20th.
— BIMS and Snap
One day after a particularly rough organic chemistry lab, BIMS and Snap needed a pick-me-up. After haphazardly driving her black, convertible Porsche down Texas Avenue, she screeched into the parking lot of the vet school, certain that a new sweatshirt from the College of Veterinary Medicine and Biomedical Sciences store would do the trick. As she was walking into VIDI, she saw an absolute hunk of a third-year vet student in a form-fitting white lab coat. Unsure of what to do, BIMS and Snap threw her lab goggles to the ground, dropped to grab them, and quickly snapped back up, hoping to get the vet student’s attention. Since the world is not like “Legally Blonde,” the vet student called CAPS, who recommended that BIMS and Snap channel her need for attention into something a little more productive, like satirical journalism.