Texas A&M To Offer Self-Testing Kits for Post-Spring Break STDs
Following their decision to provide free COVID-19 testing kits, Texas A&M University has also decided to provide free STD testing kits for students returning from spring break. These include, but are not limited to, kits for HPV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and bumps that are being denied as being STDs.
“We believe it is our duty to protect the students, faculty and staff here at Texas A&M University,” said a Texas A&M spokesperson. “All you need is a student or faculty ID card and proof that you had sex in the past week, and our team will provide a free STD home testing kit.”
Directions included in the kit instruct users to mail their sample to a lab in Houston. Testing results will become available two to four weeks after the sample’s arrival through a paid portal on the company’s website. If the subscription cost cannot be met, the website will also freely post every single result with name, age, and sexually transmitted disease positivity status two months after the testing date. When asked if this violates HIPAA, the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, a spokesperson for the lab declined to comment.
The kits can be picked up from the Evans Library lobby from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. on Wednesday, March 23 and Thursday, March 24. Some fraternities have volunteered to partner with the university for this project and will be offering kit pickup from their houses as well. Students should refer to Instagram graphics from the participating fraternities for specific pickup times and details. Texas A&M is encouraging all students, faculty and staff to take advantage of the free testing opportunities when returning to campus or before having a wicked good time.
— Middle Class Missionary
Middle Class was always the disappointment of the family. He was born to the family of Swedish death metalheads that founded Hot Topic, but never took an interest in music, the supernatural, or anything alternative. That all changed when one day he picked up a little book written by a fella named Jesus Christ. Soon he would be traveling around the world, spreading the good word at sold out stadiums. Along the way, he picked up more than an acoustic guitar and an affinity for ham-boning. He made a lot of money too! After achieving peak global success, he realized his true purpose in life: to build an ever bigger Protestant church down the street from St. Mary’s.