6 Ways to Cope With Your Roommate Having Loud Sex
- Anonymously leave pregnancy tests outside their room with a note that says “just in case.” It’s a good reminder that if it ends up positive, you could have testicular cancer. Or, more likely, a baby.
- Play “I Can Make Your Hands Clap” by Fitz and the Tantrums. If they don’t get the hint, you can at least pretend it’s part of the song.
- Strategically place “sex can cause memory loss” research papers around your shared living space while talking to them about the importance of studying for their upcoming test. Does it happen to five out of 100,000 people? Yes, but they could be one of those five and their test is very important.
- Mail a handwritten letter expressing your grievances and challenge them to a duel. It may take two weeks to get there by post, but after 10 paces, it’ll all be over one way or another.
- Light your sage bundle and start smudging while “Ave Maria” plays in the background. Hopefully, this will have your roommate reflecting on the mortality of the flesh and their undying soul and inspire them to join the clergy, leaving you with a quiet apartment for once.
- Whatever you do, don’t stoop to actually talking to your roommate about this. Do you actually want open communication and a possible solution that benefits you both? No, just stick to the stuff above.
— Weeb King Gill
After giving it his best effort, Coach Dana X Bible called Weeb King Gill down from her throne as the president of the Aggie Anime Club to help Texas A&M pull off the impossible: finishing One Piece. Weeb King Gill proudly took up the mantle, and, clutching her dakimakura, carved out her place in Texas A&M history. Because of her heroism in our university’s darkest hour, Texas A&M is now known as the Home of the 12th One Punch Man.