Top 9 Professors Teaching Critical Race Theory at Texas A&M

9. Your Accounting Professor

Don’t tell anyone, but I saw him talking to Bernie Sanders on Monday.

 

8. Jimbo Fisher 

This may surprise the Texas A&M football fan base, but Fisher is in talks to headline the Democratic National Convention.

 

7. Pat Henry 

As head coach of the 2021-22 Texas A&M Track and Field team, Henry needs to stay sharp on his race theory.

 

6. Lawrence Sullivan Ross

Ross has recently landed himself in hot water for being more critical of some races than others.

 

5. Reveille IX

Everyone’s favorite dog can “speak.” Good girl, give me paw! Other paw!

 

4. General Ramirez

Slow down there, General! You might upset the Former Students.

 

3. The lady who calls me “baby” at Sbisa

Thank you (for everything).

 

2. Route 12 Aggie Spirit Bus driver with the crusty hat 

Please, sir, arrive alive. Deep breaths. Control that road rage.

 

1. Your mom

Many people do not understand that your mother is, in fact, the largest proponent of critical race theory at Texas A&M University. Following the death of George Floyd and the subsequent protests, she became aware of her own biases and gaps in her knowledge, and she signed up for several online courses in the theory. At first she thought it would just be nerds with PhDs telling her that white people should feel bad for being white, but she slowly began to realize that it is just another advanced academic theory that most college students won’t engage with. Like most theories in social science, it provides a framework for evaluation, serves to question your current understanding of the world, and incorporates several common sense morals that you’d have to be a real piece of shit to argue with.

 

At press time, your mom has declined to comment.

 

— Ring Chunks