Valentine’s Day Offers a Painful Reminder of Your Ex Behaving like Jake Gyllenhaal

According to several recent reports, Valentine’s Day and the recent release of Red (Taylor’s Version) have caused newly single people to reflect on their past relationships. Memories of personal belongings left at an ex-partner’s house are common at this time of year. Rather than feeling sad about losing their favorite article of clothing, some freshly single people have begun to relate their emotions about lost belongings to Jake Gyllenhaal taking Taylor Swift’s red scarf hostage.

The ending of a relationship comes with many things: heartbreak, isolation, and sometimes “lost” items. From your favorite toothbrush to the sweater you wore to ticket pull for the Alabama game, these things can bring up some uncomfortable conversations with a newly minted ex-significant other.

“I’ve texted my ex twice already to get some of my things back from him,” said Kyra Savege, a recently dumped junior. “He replied each time, but hasn’t made any real plans to return my box of stuff. As much as I want my stuff back, knowing that he’s holding onto my members-only Fish Camp sweater is making me feel a little bit like I’ve won in this breakup.”

Several freshly-single men have reached out to The Mugdown asking what it means to “be the Jake Gyllenhaal” of the relationship. It was found that pointing them to the lyrics of “All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault)” has provided a solid definition.

 

— Mugdown Staff