Your Boyfriend Isn’t in The Mugdown, He’s Cheating on You
According to a breaking report, your boyfriend of three months just told you that he is in The Mugdown. This claim occurred after you confronted him about where he was last night when he said he was at Torchy’s with his Grace Bible Church small group, but his location showed that he was at a house in the Historic District.
Sources indicate that, when pressed for an answer, your boyfriend paused for a moment before blurting out, “I’m actually a writer for The Mugdown, and that’s where we have our secret meetings. I couldn’t tell you because I wasn’t sure if I could trust you, but now I’ve decided it’s time for you to know.” He followed this up with a forced smile and an awkward shift in his chair.
According to The Mugdown’s meeting records, we have never met at a house in the Historic District currently occupied by Sarah Emily Granderson, a junior education major and member of your boyfriend’s small group. She does not know that you exist, but you definitely know she does after your boyfriend told you that she was, “just a friend” last week. Our records also suggest that your boyfriend is decidedly not in The Mugdown and is definitely cheating on you.
At press time, your boyfriend was struggling to tell you what articles he had written, what his pseudonym was, and how long he had been in The Mugdown. Experts predict that your relationship will be over before our next article is published.
— Flash it Back, Ags
You may have seen her skulking around campus in a beige trenchcoat, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal her ass to unsuspecting students. An exhibitionist at heart, she’s been arrested for streaking fifteen times since 2012. UPD is aware of her presence and is doing their best to keep her away from sporting events, graduations, and the background of promotional materials. You can often find her doing squats at the Rec. If you ask politely, she might just show you her assets.