Men’s Org Member Stops Wearing Cross Necklace, Loses Respect of Peers

In what is being called “the greatest betrayal of the decade,” Matthew DeSoto, a member of the Christian men’s organization Being Awesome Men of Christ (BAMC) has decided to no longer take up his cross, abandoning the one-inch silver cross necklace he had worn every day since being gifted it by his middle school mentor.

“I don’t see why this is a big deal. I just realized I had no actual reason to be wearing it anymore,” said DeSoto just before being asked to renounce his BAMC membership.

DeSoto’s peers reportedly noticed and were appalled by his sudden lack of jewelry, expressing concern for his mental health and worry that he must be “taking a trip down a dark path.”

In an official statement, Jared Berkeley, president of BAMC, explained what drove him to the final decision to remove DeSoto from the organization. “If he were a real man of substance, he would wear that necklace,” Berkeley said. “How else will he evangelize? How else is he supposed to communicate to potential girlfriends that he’s got character without actually having to prove it to them? A world where guys have to explicitly tell girls that they’re Christians instead of passively implying it with a necklace is not a world I want to live in.”

DeSoto is reportedly planning on getting a tattoo in Hebrew in order to redeem himself and potentially reconcile with the Christian Bubble.

— Mugdown Staff