Graduating Senior Emotional About Last Visit to HECC Glory Hole

Facing the mounting pressure of graduation and his dwindling relevance in student organizations, senior Carter Jackson was reportedly very emotional about his final visit to the glory hole in HECC.

Prior to the trip, Jackson found himself getting sentimental about other student life activities such as taking the bus or bumming meal swipes off freshmen. At a particularly low point, he was found crying in the O’Bannon’s bathroom after realizing he would not finish his beer card before graduation.

“I knew it was going to make me sad to see the new officer board for my organization when I wouldn’t be on it,” said Jackson, who is set to move to a Dallas suburb and live alone after graduation. “I’ll definitely visit College Station. At first, I’ll come back for football games in the fall because I’m afraid of letting go. I will finally have enough money for Northgate because of my soul-crushing office job, but it won’t be fun anymore. Everyone I care about will have moved on.”

During an interview with The Mugdown, Jackson referenced his inescapable existential dread several times. After feeling lonely and isolated in grade school, Jackson thrived in college. When asked about his plans after graduation, he reported anxiety about the inevitable start of his journey towards hating his wife, not understanding technology, and drinking a six-pack of beer after work every night.

“I don’t know why I’m crying at the thought of never putting my member through a hole in the wall again,” Jackson said. “Of all the things I knew I’d have a hard time saying goodbye to, I didn’t expect a warm hand in a bathroom stall to be on that list.”

 

— Ring Chunks & Blue Biker