Fifth-Year by Hours Not Actually Graduating Any Time Soon

After claiming to be a senior by hours for three years, finance major Daniel Samson has finally chosen to claim the title of fifth-year by hours. In a shocking turn of events, however, investigators have learned that he will not, in fact, be graduating anytime soon regardless of his self-touted classification.

The Mugdown asked Samson to elaborate on why he will not be graduating soon despite his apparent extra year. “Well, if you want to get into the details, I’ve only been enrolled for three and a half years,” Samson said. “I may be a fifth-year by hours, but I still need more time to meet all my degree requirements.” While Samson clearly has not been in any rush to complete his degree, he has no problem claiming the extra year despite graduation being nowhere in sight.

At press time, Samson is on track to be a six-and-a-half-year by the time he graduates. However, Samson has managed to leave out this detail while he feigns superiority to other students. Though he has not been here any longer than other students his age, he claims that his hours have given him more experience than others. “You know, when you’re a fifth-year by hours, you pretty much have everything figured out,” said Samson. “Those sophomores and juniors by hours just wouldn’t understand.”

While his graduation may be a ways away, Samson feels confident that it is fast approaching.

 

— Hannibal Lechner