Oh No! You Took Intramural Sports Too Seriously and Now Your Friends Are Scared of You
At your last game, you accidentally revealed your horrifying inner rage on the intramural soccer field, and now all your friends are scared of you. Sure, it’s just an intramural game, a recreational league intramural game at that, but it matters to you. Why can’t your friends understand that and stop playing like they were losers who took band in high school?
Jennifer missed the pass again! Jesus Christ, this is embarrassing. You’re really going to lose this game to a paired up men’s org and women’s org that are more interested in flirting than playing for the love of the game. Oh crap, Jennifer saw your stony expression and is now shrinking away from you like you kicked her puppy. You force out through clenched teeth that she’s doing great, but you know she doesn’t believe you.
Alright, maybe it’s time for a strategic timeout. Do those exist in intramural sports? You can gather everyone around you, make a heroic speech, and finally they will all get their shit together and start making pla- FUCK! What was that call? Are the refs blind? That was not offside. You know, you should really give the refs a piece of your mind. Why is John holding you back? You’re not gonna punch a ref, right? Because that would be a complete overreaction, and you are totally still in control of your seething anger.
Wait, why are your friends still laughing and joking around? Don’t they know that y’all are losing? How in the hell are they smiling? Intramural sports are not meant to be fun. They should know this by now. And don’t let them tell you that you’re too competitive –– it’s not your fault your dad never let you win a single game of tetherball when you were a kid.
— Heldenfalls
Once an average student eons ago, Heldenfalls committed some unknown sin against the Aggie gods and has since been burdened with a strange punishment: She is forced to carry her backpack to the top of the infamous Heldenfels stairs only to fall back to the bottom again over and over for all eternity. Though this may seem like a horrible fate, the philosophy department argues that Heldenfalls’ endless task represents the absurd heroism of the human condition. Each atom of that backpack, each mineral flake of those concrete stairs, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a woman’s heart. One must imagine Heldenfalls happy.