Intramural Police Arrest Student for Possession of Pockets
Last Tuesday, freshman entomology major Oliver Maurer was booked by Intramural Police for possession of pockets following a tip-off prior to his intramural flag football game. As pockets are strictly prohibited on the flag football field, this costly arrest left Maurer’s team without their starting quarterback.
The incident, which took place at Penberthy field at the intersection of fields 11B and 12A, occurred when Maurer was searched prior to his intramural flag football game. According to witnesses, the pockets were undetectable to the human eye and stitched up to avoid suspicion. However, the Intramural K-9 unit was able to find the pockets, which had once held a food substance before they were closed.
Maurer posted a $10,000 bail and surrendered his passport Wednesday morning. Although he is reportedly discussing options with his attorney, he will likely be facing a minimum sentence of two years with a low sportsmanship rating.
— MSC ALITTLE
You’ve seen him, the phantom of the Memorial Student Center, lurking in the back of the lunch crowd. Perhaps you caught a glimpse of him darting in and out of various conference rooms. MSC ALITTLE is the CEO of overcommitment, and a sucker for any organization with a pithy acronym. His motives are a mystery. Clout chasing? Resume building? Maybe he just really likes the food at Rev’s. Whatever the case, we count ourselves lucky to be swept away to his lair in the basement, to be tutored in time management and seizing the day.