Hero Intramural Sports Team Member Wears Cleats
In a heroic attempt to carry his intramural team to a league victory, sophomore Lorne Vaidya showed up to his 10:45 p.m. recreational league ultimate frisbee game on Tuesday wearing cleats. According to the MVP designation assigned to Vaidya after the game, this unprecedented move was universally revered by his teammates.
“I couldn’t believe it when I heard Lorne’s cleats click-clacking up to Penberthy,” said Lauryn Volkerson, Vaidya’s teammate and fellow SLIP member. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a human being run that fast or jump that high.” The other members of Vaidya’s team, Disc in a Box, echoed Volkerson’s sentiment.
Vaidya was not immune to the outpouring of praise from his teammates. “I mean, these cleats did get me and the rest of the guys on the JV football team to district playoffs during my senior year,” Vaidya said. The cleats in question, a neon yellow pair of Nike Vapor Edge football cleats, have seen approximately 13 total minutes of play throughout Vaidya’s five-year career as a JV football benchwarmer and ultimate frisbee aficionado.
According to a report from IMLeagues, Disc in a Box was still absolutely demolished by their opponents, Risk it for the Discuit, despite the presence of Vaidya’s cleats. At press time, Vaidya was overheard telling his teammates that they should all consider investing in cleats instead of wearing worn-down running shoes if they really wanted to get an intramural champion shirt this season.
— Flash it Back, Ags
You may have seen her skulking around campus in a beige trenchcoat, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal her ass to unsuspecting students. An exhibitionist at heart, she’s been arrested for streaking fifteen times since 2012. UPD is aware of her presence and is doing their best to keep her away from sporting events, graduations, and the background of promotional materials. You can often find her doing squats at the Rec. If you ask politely, she might just show you her assets.