Mediocre Athletes Desperate for Championship Look Towards Second-Rate Intramural Sports

For many students, the crowning achievement of their time in Aggieland is the sacred Aggie ring, an external sign to the heavens of one’s time and progress at Texas A&M University. In some social circles, however, there is one other accessory that many seek but few obtain: an intramural champion shirt.

Obtainable only through winning a competitive division intramural championship, an intramural champion shirt is a trophy reserved for only the finest of high school has-beens and those who can find a workaround.

Graduate student Garrett Barnett has been around the intramural block quite a few times, participating in many intramural offerings within Rec Sports. Lacking the athletic ability to win at the competitive level in any of the traditional sports, Barnett did not see a path to an intramural champion shirt unless he changed his strategy.

“I had tried for years to win in football, soccer, and basketball, but kept running into superteams in the playoffs that were full of players who could’ve been college athletes,” Barnett said. “So, I started looking into lesser-known sports that didn’t attract as many of the big name intramural athletes.”

In addition to traditional sports, Rec Sports prides themselves on offering second-rate sports and activities like disc golf, battleship, and actionball. These sports still have competitive divisions that qualify for an intramural champion shirt, but attract far less talent due to their lack of notoriety.

“I started recruiting across campus to assemble what would easily be the most overpowered team in the division,” Barnett said. “These are world class athletes that I’m adding to my team, and all they have to do is win a few games of actionball.”

After adopting this strategy, Barnett has been able to win multiple champion shirts in back-to-back semesters, and looks forward to defending his battleship championship this fall.

 

— Mugdown Staff