Girl at Harry’s Disappointed by Lack of Men Who Can ‘Thriller’ Dance
Last Saturday night, public health major Natalie Lindwell left Hurricane Harry’s saddened after being unable to find a male partner that could dance to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”
“Maybe I did get caught up in my own fantasy of being wooed by the acrobatic toe-taps and smooth consecutive revolutions of a potential suitor,” Lindwell said. “But someone should’ve been able to at least give me a half-hearted effort at the iconic hand motion.” Lindwell went on to describe how her perfect night would follow the woman’s part in the thirteen-minute-long music video moment by moment, including the scene where she is cornered in a house by zombies.
Sources familiar with the country dance hall’s scene over the holiday weekend reported that the music choices reflected the spookiness of the Halloween season and that no one began to mimic the King of Pop until after Lindwell had left the establishment. Minutes after her exit, one man dressed wearing an orange jumpsuit performed the routine for a girl dressed as a sexy nurse. Bystanders claimed the man had previously told Lindwell, whose witch costume included a floor-length black dress, that he was not even aware the song had a dance.
As of Sunday, Lindwell was still recovering from her recent rejection. However, she remains optimistic that, come December, she will be able to find a dance partner for “Linus and Lucy” from A Charlie Brown Christmas.
— MSC ALITTLE
You’ve seen him, the phantom of the Memorial Student Center, lurking in the back of the lunch crowd. Perhaps you caught a glimpse of him darting in and out of various conference rooms. MSC ALITTLE is the CEO of overcommitment, and a sucker for any organization with a pithy acronym. His motives are a mystery. Clout chasing? Resume building? Maybe he just really likes the food at Rev’s. Whatever the case, we count ourselves lucky to be swept away to his lair in the basement, to be tutored in time management and seizing the day.