Psychology Department Discovers Perfect Excuse for Neglecting House Chores
Following a months-long study of human behavior and rationalization, the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences at Texas A&M University has discovered the true “perfect excuse” for the failure to contribute to communal house chores. Led by Dr. Karina Glastov and her team of graduate students, the researchers found that the most convincing excuse for actively making your roommates’ life harder is “I was busy.”
This ground-breaking experiment, heralded by the psychological community as “vindication for being a freeloading piece of shit,” is expected to cause a major shift in roommate dynamics across America. “Oftentimes, individuals living in a cooperative group environment fail to consider the schedules of others when looking at the three-week-old container of ambiguous leftovers in the refrigerator,” said Glastov. “One may think that everyone’s schedule deserves equal merit, but that is simply not founded in any fact.”
The effects of this discovery are already becoming evident within the Bryan-College Station community. Earlier this semester, Hunter Jourdenton and Tanner Wilhelm, juniors and third-year roommates in the Historic District residence “The Hunk House,” were reportedly on the verge of a physical fight every day over Wilhelm’s failure to ensure that his discarded food made it into the garbage disposal. Following the release of the study results, Jourdenton has realized how selfish it is of him to ask his roommate to do the bare minimum contribution to chores.
“I should have realized just how stressful Tanner’s 12-hour workload is,” said Jourdenton. “Sure, it would be nice if he would recognize that I’m trying to balance school, two jobs, and a volunteer position, but I get it. I guess when I’m home for 30 minutes in between ECEN 215 and the after-school program at Kids Klub, I can try and get Tanner’s laundry done so I can use the washer. I’ll just have to be quiet so I don’t wake him from his nap.”
— Mugdown Staff
