Study Finds 90% of Organization Members Do Not Know What Charity They Support
This week, an external audit by Deloitte Consulting revealed that 90% of the members of the men’s organization Ol’ Decades Club have no idea what philanthropy the money from their annual fundraising event supports.
The event, known as Cantaloupe Smash, is a day-long festival where patrons use large hammers to hit fruit in various activities. Marketing for their event has become more extreme in recent years, with members now being forced to speed-eat cantaloupes in front of their lecture halls in a ploy to sell more tickets. There has been a considerable decrease in ticket sales since the inception of this marketing strategy.
Despite the members constantly posting on social media, there still seems to be confusion surrounding the beneficiaries of the event. When questioned about the research results, president Lane Richie was shocked. “Cantaloupe Smash is the highlight of the year for the men of Ol’ Decades Club, and it means so much to everyone,” Richie said. “I’m not sure I believe that our members don’t know what it supports.” When asked if he could name the charity in question, Richie declined to comment.
This seems to be a trend among campus organizations, and further research by Deloitte has shown that four out of five organizations participating in Songfest this year have no idea where the prize money would go if they win. Despite this fact, five out of five still claim a deep dedication to their philanthropy.
— Quadbuck Naked
A caffeine-addicted fish with nothing to lose, Quadbuck Naked would rather strip down to his birthday suit and do a unit run while singing a jodie than go a single day without his coffee. Granted, he is an expert in what he calls “whipping out,” and has been known to do so on command. When he’s not sitting in the center of the first three rows of the lecture hall, you can spot this crazy cadet on the Quad sipping from a Starbucks cup. Who knows, bootchasers, maybe he’ll buy you a caramel macchiato one of these days! All we ask is that you tell us whether his fish cut matches the drapes.