Old Ag Insists Two Girls Under Century Tree Just “Really Good Friends”
When visiting campus for last weekend’s football game, Walter Stevens, class of 1964, was surprised to see two girls embracing underneath the Century Tree. He then commented in a TexAgs forum about how disappointed he was to see time-honored traditions not being followed correctly.
“The Century Tree is only for romance and not for people who are just really good friends,” said Stevens, operating under the screen name RedassRebelArmy. “I mean, I know there’s a friendship branch, so I don’t understand why those ladies felt the need to go under the main, heterosexual branch.”
The idea of LGBTQ+ individuals attending Texas A&M University continues to perplex former students. From the extreme difficulty they have when attempting to pronounce “L-G-B-T-Q” to the protests at Draggieland, Old Ags frequently refuse to acknowledge that this is not the same school they attended back in “the good ole days.”
Another TexAgs user posting under the pseudonym BTHOCommies supported Steven’s post in a comment. “I saw the same thing just last week when I was visiting my son,” said BTHOCommies. “A girl got down on one knee for her friend as if she was proposing! I guess it’s just an inside joke between roommates or something — but still, I hate to see our treasured tradition mocked by New Army.”
— Sharts and Rec
One day, Sharts and Rec was getting ready to go and get his pump on in the Student Rec Center. As any self-respecting, muscle-bound man would, he slammed a 64 ounce protein shake in the parking lot before he went to hit legs. At minute 37 of his workout, tragedy struck. Sharts and Rec was maxing out his squat when he felt a rumble deep in his large intestine. The protein shake was back with a vengeance. Choosing to trust his colonic muscle control, Sharts and Rec descended. In what could only be described as a peal of thunder, Sharts and Rec pooped his Gym Shark shorts, etching himself into the annals of the Rec weight room history.