Ring Dunk Champion Has No Regret Skipping AA Meeting
Devin Prine, a supply chain management super senior, has been on top of the world since Saturday after winning his ring dunk competition. Having no preparation at all for this event due to three faithful years of sobriety, it was a shocking upset when Prine destroyed his competition with his time of 12.3 seconds.
“I always knew I had it in me, and I no amount of therapy could stop me from showing them who is still the king of Texas A&M,” Prine said. His friends were initially worried for him because of how committed he was to his Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) group. However, after seeing the clout they received because they rode to the dunk together, they knew Prine breaking his sobriety was 100% worth it.
Prine’s family was also in College Station to celebrate the accomplishment of their son going three years sober. They were even excited to see him participate in the ring dunk contest because he promised them he would dunk in unsweet tea. The shock on their faces when they saw him pouring cans of Gold Four Lokos into his pitcher, however, broke their hearts more than the first time they saw his septum piercing during his first year of Fish Camp. “I am happy that I raised a winner, but at what cost? Why didn’t he have this attitude when I forced him into joining the Corps,” said Kevin Prine, Devin’s dad.
Later that night, an emotional Prine was seen crying as he walked the streets of Northgate for the first time since his fifth DUI, the entire reason he began his AA meetings. Time will tell if this is the end of a peaceful era in Prine’s life or the beginning of his climb to A&M Barstool legend status.
— Hullabaloo Neglect Neglect
Hullabaloo Neglect Neglect is the king of commitment issues. Every week he seems to find a new hobby and source of identity, and he always goes all-in on purchasing supplies. He probably should’ve been on “Hoarders” by now from the looks of his apartment with its abandoned musical instruments, piles of different art supplies, dusty gaming consoles, shriveled houseplants, and once-used roller skates. He’s really tried it all! Oh no, don’t look in that aquarium— his betta fish phase didn’t last long. Let’s also not talk about his love life, because it’s not any better. But anyways, we love having Hullabaloo Neglect Neglect around, and we’re sure that The Mugdown isn’t just a phase for him!