General Ramirez Revealed as Sham VPSA in 21-Jump-Street-Esque Scheme

This Tuesday, students across Texas A&M University’s campus were shocked to learn that the Vice President of Student Affairs was none other than Brigadier General Joe Ramirez, former Commandant of the Corps of Cadets. This shocking revelation of a narc among student organizations has led many to question who the man underneath the camo and khaki really is.

Sarah Nelson, the student who discovered the scheme, told The Mugdown how she knew it was General Ramirez. “I went in to discuss my organization, Aggie Rubies, and he kept yelling at me to ‘drop and give him 20’,” Nelson said. “At first, I thought it was just an overreaction, but when he kept referring to my organization as an ‘outfit’, I knew something was up.”

Jack Hertzold, another student leader, was also unknowingly fooled by General Ramirez. “I thought the new VPSA was just a cool guy. I mean, sure he’s a little stiff and told me that facts don’t care about my feelings, but he’s also really into IPA’s!”

Corps of Cadets members were reportedly “awestruck” by the discovery, as many had thought that the recent absence of General Ramirez from the Quad meant he had found a new position at another university. The celebrations, however, quickly stopped after the realization that the VPSA is in charge of the Corps of Cadets, a student organization.

The new Commandant did not respond to The Mugdown’s request for comment, but he could be heard muttering obscenities after hearing the news of General Ramirez’s grand scheme.

 

— Milidairy Walk