Popular Sophomore Unaware Return to Normal is a Simulation
Completely oblivious to the fact that each encounter was predetermined in a computer simulation, sophomore public health major Analise Rosario exclaimed her surprise and delight at how many friends she had already “coincidentally” seen during her first normal week on campus.
“Sure, I’m involved in Fish Camp, my FLO, my sorority, and I’m going to apply for a women’s org,” Rosario said as DG Child #3 was rendered in the distance. “But I really didn’t think that returning to in-person would mean having a friend in each class.”
Three weeks before her second year at Texas A&M University, Rosario, previously unaffiliated with any organizations, filled out a survey on what she hoped her sophomore year would look like. Using her responses, a digital world where Rosario had already been accepted into every desirable student group was created to house her consciousness for eternity.
The simulation was designed by the Department of Computer Science and Engineering in response to concerns that the return to campus would not live up to the high expectations. Enrollment in this virtual reality has increased by about 500 students each day and is expected to be used by most Texas A&M students by the end of the semester. At press time, the consciousness of ten thousand students had been erased following an IT failure on campus.
— MSC ALITTLE
You’ve seen him, the phantom of the Memorial Student Center, lurking in the back of the lunch crowd. Perhaps you caught a glimpse of him darting in and out of various conference rooms. MSC ALITTLE is the CEO of overcommitment, and a sucker for any organization with a pithy acronym. His motives are a mystery. Clout chasing? Resume building? Maybe he just really likes the food at Rev’s. Whatever the case, we count ourselves lucky to be swept away to his lair in the basement, to be tutored in time management and seizing the day.