Mandatory COVID-19 Testing Victimizes Sufferers of Chronic Dry Mouth
Recent mandatory COVID-19 testing has reportedly left many students with dry mouth feeling victimized by the Texas A&M saliva PCR test or “spit” test. Unlike the swab test performed at Curative testing kiosks, the spit test requires a 1.5mL sample of saliva and more than 10 minutes of active drooling into a test tube. Dry-mouthed students hoping to participate in this new form of mandated selfless service are not allowed to drink at all for at least 20 minutes prior to submitting a sample.
After underreporting risky behavior on the pre-test survey, students are able to choose from a variety of on-campus COVID-19 testing locations. Those wishing to avoid the long wait times at the Curative kiosks will find themselves subjected to the Texas A&M spit test. Upon arrival at one of the main spit test centers, testers receive a single paper towel and a collection tube with instructions to maintain appropriate social distancing while salivating.
Students suffering from chronic or intermittent dry mouth were reportedly harassed by overzealous volunteers gatekeeping the sample collection bin. When these students finally managed to produce a sizable glob of spittle, many struggled to deposit it into the tube and found it mortifyingly dribbling down their chins instead. Those who attempted to submit their samples prematurely were sent back to continue filling their tube, leaving many tongues completely devoid of moisture.
The humiliating process has caused some students to swear off COVID-19 testing for the remainder of the pandemic, preferring to live in blissful ignorance and university sanctions rather than endure the Texas A&M spit test again.
— Soiled Science
A self-declared unique individual who may not be like other girls you meet, Soiled Science loves the earth and is really, truly outdoorsy. On any given weekend, you can find this horticulture major camping in minimalist style. Unlike other girls who might find themselves outdoors, Soiled Science has no qualms about poppin’ a squat in the woods and pushing out a ghost rider. She digs a cathole faster than you can ask her why she’s telling you about her bathroom habits. It’s getting a little old hearing about the benefits of fertilizer, but she does bring the most beautiful plants to our meetings.