New Student Organization Just Guerrilla Crop-Planting Group
This past week, the philanthropic student organization Anarchoprimtivist Aggies was revealed to be a front for a guerrilla-style crop planting group seeking to “put the agriculture back in A&M.” The discovery was made after corn shoots began sprouting in the north end of Kyle Field. Sources familiar with the group have indicated that they are a splinter cell of Aggie Bonfire and are comprised of those who found themselves morally unable to watch the replacement of the once-prideful agricultural land with bermuda grass and azalea bushes.
The following statement was discovered nailed to a non-native tree along Military Walk:
“For too long, so-called Aggies have overlooked the plight of the ecosystem and the farmer alike. All around us, in this now biologically uniform and unnatural portion of the once fertile Brazos Valley, Man tramples upon the native grasses beneath his feet, and destroys once proud farm land, in the name of what, a new set of townhomes? Perhaps a new driving range for the golf course? No more will the 12th Man sit idly by and allow agriculture and the environment alike to be subjugated by the will of University Leadership. We will take to the sports fields and take to the green spaces, we will till until every trace of corporate grass is stripped from our citadel of agriculture. We will sow a bounty of biodiverse plants rich in beauty and utility alike, ensuring a future of agricultural independence for our proud University.”
Following the discovery of the corn shoots, an investigation was launched into other agriculturally detestable areas of campus, including the Texas A&M Golf Course, Simpson Drill Field, and Spence Park. All locations possessed some degree of native crop presence in various stages of growth, suggesting that the guerrilla group has been active and avoidant of detection since the last harvest season.
At press time, the University Police Department had yet to identify any suspects.
— CTE-Walk and Flash it Back, Ags
