University Announces Plan to Cover Sully With Money
In a press conference held last week, Texas A&M University officials announced their plan to cover the statue of Lawrence Sullivan “Sully” Ross with money. The extensive modifications of the statue will begin in June at the close of the spring semester.
The announcement comes in sharp contrast to Chancellor John Sharp’s January decision to place a plaque detailing Ross’ historical narrative at the base of the statue. Sharp’s statement was in response to the inconclusive Commission of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion study implemented by former university president Michael K. Young, which implied that the fate of the statue of the former Confederate States Army General had yet to be decided.
During the press conference, Chancellor Sharp did not acknowledge the apparent decision change. “This was always the intended outcome,” said Sharp. “Since January, the university has made it clear that the statue would be covered up with money. Moving the statue was never on the table.”
“Sully is such an integral part of the spirit, values and morals of Texas A&M University,” Chancellor Sharp continued. “Relocating the statue to Cushing would insult the legacy of the non-racist Confederate States Army General and knightly gentleman who saved this university. It would be rejecting our history.”
The project will be funded by the $400,000 originally donated to the Matthew Gaines Society by the university. “After much deliberation, we came to the conclusion that throwing money at Sully would better showcase our want to increase equity, diversity and inclusion on campus,” said a spokesman for the Commission of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion.
The alterations will see the statue completely covered with bills while still retaining all of its detailing. “We believe this will not only demonstrate our commitment to inclusion, diversity and equity on campus, but also demonstrate that we care about our student body and their emotional needs,” interim university President John Junkins said. “Covering-up Sully completely with $400,000 is the solution that unites all Aggies on such a divisive topic.”
— Radio Reveille
Although being the handler of the First Lady of Aggieland is quite an honor, Radio Reveille’s favorite hour of the week is spotlighting as a host of a KANM radio show, 98.7 WOOF. It’s her sweet relief from the cesspool of khaki where she sprinkles in heartwarming anecdotes of her time with Reveille and that wretched country music Corps boys seem to like. If you tune in, you might be lucky enough to hear the weekly playing of “Who Let the Dogs Out” or even hear the elusive bark of Queen Reveille herself.