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St. Mary’s to Launch CatholicsOnly.com

By Book of Reveillations , in Local News , at May 7, 2021 Tags: , , , , ,

After the advent of BreakawayMingle.com last fall, many students flocked to the site in search of love. The new dating service attracted Christians from every corner of campus, though some users felt a sense of neglect after receiving few matches. Lonely users expressed concerns in online forums before realizing they were all Catholics. The Mugdown reached out to students both affected and unaffected by this phenomenon and received the following testimonials about their experiences.

“I kept swiping right but never received any matches. I knew something had to be up because no young lady could resist both my outward love for God and my stunning looks.” – Jacob Bosley, Catholic and member at St. Mary’s.

“I was really trying to find my king who follows my King, but the abundance of Catholics made it a lot more difficult than expected.” – Abby Snearl, Protestant and attendee at Grace Southwood.

“I was trying to find a solid Catholic man, but I had way too many likes from Protestant guys to sift through.” – Caroline Nugget, Catholic and occasional attendee at St. Thomas.

After hearing how Catholics were consistently rejected by Protestants and experienced difficulty finding Catholic counterparts, St. Mary’s Catholic Church announced plans to launch a dating service called “CatholicsOnly.com.” The website is expected to be fully functioning by May 8th.

The team behind the project released this statement describing its purpose: “CatholicsOnly.com will be a dating service for young Catholics to find and meet other eligible young Catholics. Through our intelligent algorithm, finding a godly match within the right denomination will be easier than ever without the rejection from those other sinners.”

This new site is expected to cause an increase in engagements after launch.

—Book of Reveillations