St. Mary’s to Launch CatholicsOnly.com
After the advent of BreakawayMingle.com last fall, many students flocked to the site in search of love. The new dating service attracted Christians from every corner of campus, though some users felt a sense of neglect after receiving few matches. Lonely users expressed concerns in online forums before realizing they were all Catholics. The Mugdown reached out to students both affected and unaffected by this phenomenon and received the following testimonials about their experiences.
“I kept swiping right but never received any matches. I knew something had to be up because no young lady could resist both my outward love for God and my stunning looks.” – Jacob Bosley, Catholic and member at St. Mary’s.
“I was really trying to find my king who follows my King, but the abundance of Catholics made it a lot more difficult than expected.” – Abby Snearl, Protestant and attendee at Grace Southwood.
“I was trying to find a solid Catholic man, but I had way too many likes from Protestant guys to sift through.” – Caroline Nugget, Catholic and occasional attendee at St. Thomas.
After hearing how Catholics were consistently rejected by Protestants and experienced difficulty finding Catholic counterparts, St. Mary’s Catholic Church announced plans to launch a dating service called “CatholicsOnly.com.” The website is expected to be fully functioning by May 8th.
The team behind the project released this statement describing its purpose: “CatholicsOnly.com will be a dating service for young Catholics to find and meet other eligible young Catholics. Through our intelligent algorithm, finding a godly match within the right denomination will be easier than ever without the rejection from those other sinners.”
This new site is expected to cause an increase in engagements after launch.
—Book of Reveillations
You’ve heard her preaching outside at Academic Plaza as you make your way to class. Even as you walk by and attempt to avoid eye contact, she manages to corner you and forces you to engage in an intentional conversation. Book of Reveillations feels called to share her version of the gospel with any audience she can find, and the more captive, the better. The Rapture? End-of-times? It’s all happening, and she’s taking Reveille X with her. Sometimes she might say that you’re doomed to hell, but Book of Reveillations is just quirky like that.