Fish Camp Chair Performs Blood Ritual in Hopes of In-Person Camp Experience

After a summer of virtual Fish Camp sessions, junior chair Nathan Rupert had applied to be on staff after agreeing with himself that he would “drop camp so quickly” if Fish Camp remained virtual in the summer of 2021.

With coronavirus cases in Brazos County showing no sign of slowing, Rupert has been faced with the realization that director staff may be forced to move Fish Camp online for the second year in a row. Refusing to give up his sense of power over his counselors, Rupert organized a blood ritual in the hopes of preventing director staff from making the logical decision.

“I just had no other option,” Rupert said. “After cutting out a jet black foam fish and placing it in front of me, I used the PVC pipe from the man stick I made my first year to scratch my skin until drops of blood began spilling down onto my foam fish craft.”

Witnesses reported seeing ice berry blue flowing from cracks in the walls and the ceiling. Following the completion of the ritual, “Closing Time” by Semisonic began to emanate from the blood-soaked foam fish. Rupert was last seen crawling from the ritual room and telling witnesses that in-person Fish Camp was saved.

 

— Glue Percenter