Report: Reveille IX Diagnosed With Abandonment Issues
In a report released by the Texas A&M College of Veterinary Medicine and Biomedical Sciences, Reveille IX has been diagnosed with abandonment issues, likely due to having seven caretakers over eight years of life. Like every rough collie that has passed before her, Reveille IX has been undergoing exit examinations to assess her vitals, sanity, and will to live.
“This is something we see in many dogs brought to us off the streets,” said Krysten Voelker, the representative for the College of Veterinary Medicine. “We believe that the repeated turnover between handlers and indistinguishable khaki attire lead to the cognitive dissonance afflicting the first lady.”
It was not apparent that issues plagued the outgoing leader of the Corps of Cadets until the arrival of her successor last month. Voelker assumes trauma associated with Reveille IX’s translocation from Ohio at a young age may evoke memories relating to the retirement, and abrupt disappearance, of her predecessor.
Following her retirement this spring, Reveille IX will move to Stevenson Companion Animal Life-Care Center, where she will be taken care of by another group of random strangers.
— 4.0 & Tow
It’s late. It’s raining. You’ve been running late all day, so you decided to take the easy way out and just park in the restricted parking zone for your FINC 409 tutoring session. That’s when he gets you. 4.0 & Tow feeds off your desperation and despair as he gladly hooks up what’s left of your pride before happily driving off, waiting for you to come groveling back to him like you always do.