Engineers No Longer Only Students Claiming Professional Titles Early
A study by industrial and organizational (I&O) psychologists has confirmed that “engineers” are no longer the only student group claiming professional titles before they graduate. In an attempt to keep up with the elevated status that engineering majors enjoy when they call themselves engineers, departments across the university are now encouraging their students to claim professional titles as soon as they merely step foot into a college classroom.
“It felt a little weird calling myself a nurse at first since I barely know how to take someone’s blood pressure, but I have to admit it’s growing on me,” said first-semester nursing student Cassie Cranse. “It’s really nice not to have to wait until I pass the NCLEX to start my professional practice.”
Certain majors have had more difficulty adjusting to the change than others. “Calling myself a meat scientist on Northgate just isn’t getting results,” freshman Arthur Blanton said. “Is it so bad to just call myself a student?”
Alternatively, students like sophomore psychologist Claire Gerton have been practicing their craft long before receiving any official permission. “According to my observations, my roommates have a combined total of at least 12 DSM-V diagnoses,” Gerton said. “The professional title is nice, but it doesn’t change the validity of my conclusions.”
Biomedical sciences majors have been unaffected by the shift, as many were already calling themselves doctors.
— Heldenfalls
Once an average student eons ago, Heldenfalls committed some unknown sin against the Aggie gods and has since been burdened with a strange punishment: She is forced to carry her backpack to the top of the infamous Heldenfels stairs only to fall back to the bottom again over and over for all eternity. Though this may seem like a horrible fate, the philosophy department argues that Heldenfalls’ endless task represents the absurd heroism of the human condition. Each atom of that backpack, each mineral flake of those concrete stairs, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a woman’s heart. One must imagine Heldenfalls happy.