December Graduate Super Smart, Not a Fifth Year
During a conversation at a women’s organization social this past week, junior Chloe Borton explicitly stated that she was graduating early, not taking a fifth year, when asked about her class year. Borton has reportedly mentioned her status as a super-genius early graduate in every graduation-related conversation since it was determined she would not need to complete coursework in the spring of 2022.
“I just don’t want people to think I’m, you know, one of those people,” Borton said. “I’m able to graduate early because I worked super hard in my high school AP English Language class, and I just think I should be able to be proud of that.” Borton went on to say it was completely okay for people to take an extra semester to finish college, but that she would not want anyone to get her, a hard-working senior by hours, confused with those other people.
At press time, Borton had updated her Instagram biography to read “TAMU ’21/22” in an attempt to curtail any assumptions that she would deign to take a fifth year of coursework.
—Flash it Back, Ags
You may have seen her skulking around campus in a beige trenchcoat, waiting for the perfect moment to reveal her ass to unsuspecting students. An exhibitionist at heart, she’s been arrested for streaking fifteen times since 2012. UPD is aware of her presence and is doing their best to keep her away from sporting events, graduations, and the background of promotional materials. You can often find her doing squats at the Rec. If you ask politely, she might just show you her assets.