VeoRide Rolls Out Ridiculous New Way to Roll Around Campus

Earlier this semester, Texas A&M University began phasing in their latest fleet of ride-sharing vehicles: e-scooters. These electric-powered scooters are the newest way to make the trek to class a whole lot more convenient and humiliating.

Shaped like a bike that really let itself go, these scooters are motorized and require no effort from the rider. “Some days, it’s just too hard to walk all the way from the MSC to Sbisa,” said freshman engineering major Edgar Cooper. “Being able to just hop on an e-scooter has saved me so much time and effort that I can put towards doing more important things.” When asked what important things he was saving time for, Cooper could offer no comment.

Because of their relative speed and unwieldy shape, the e-scooters also tend to draw attention wherever they go. When asked why he continually chooses the e-scooter over a regular bike, Cooper told us, “the ladies notice a guy on a scooter.”

Fellow engineering student Sue Coates who witnessed Cooper’s journey said, “I just can’t help but stare at the loser on the scooter. It always makes me laugh looking at the people who actually choose to ride those monstrosities.”

With yet another vehicle to crowd sidewalks around campus, it’s never been easier to watch students crashing into various objects as well as one another. After speaking with Cooper, we watched him ride off, only to have a head-on collision with another student on a bike. The cyclist continued without looking back, leaving Cooper attempting to salvage both his pride and e-scooter from the middle of Academic Plaza.

 

— Squat Pilgrim and Hannibal Lechner