Queer Eye Partners With 5 for Yell

In an effort to diversify the typical 5 for Yell campaign, the Corps of Cadets has announced a partnership with Netflix’s Fab Five “Queer Eye” members to create promotional content. This move comes after the announcement of the five members comprising this election season’s 5 for Yell campaign.

Antoni Porowski, food and wine expert, has been tasked with providing 5 for Yell’s official campaign recipe. It is common knowledge that Antoni advocates that every person should know multiple go-to recipes. Though the Corps dorms do not offer cooking facilities, The Mugdown staff has learned that Antoni was seen walking the 5 for Yell crew through a microwavable macaroni and cheese recipe.

Tan France, fashion expert, is reportedly “exasperated” by the idea of sprucing up the traditional janitorial garb worn by the yell leaders and is just here to make sure each member of 5 for Yell zips up their fly for their official portraits.

Sources say that Bobby Berk, the oft-underrated design expert, audibly gasped at the sight of the Corps dorms. While his typical transformations were deemed inappropriate by the university, Bobby did come with a plan to remove the typical Corps outfit flags that adorn the walls throughout the Quad. Though initially met with backlash, Bobby urged the 5 for Yell team to “trust the process” and instead hang up tapestries to add a pop of color.

Jonathan Van Ness, the fan-favorite grooming expert, had the easiest job of the Fab Five as the sleek, gelled hair of 5 for Yell would be here to stay. Jonathan instead focused his time with the 5 for Yell men on teaching them about hygiene and avoiding 3-in-1 products.

Karamo Brown, culture expert, did not even bother to come in person and instead sent one simple message for the men of 5 for Yell: If you are going to be a womanizer, make sure you are single by election day.

It is currently unknown how Queer Eye’s involvement in this campaign will affect this year’s election cycle, but history tells us that it would not be wise to bet against 5 for Yell, regardless of this gimmick.

 

— Crygon