Kinky Professor Edges Student’s Grade
Yesterday, Texas A&M student Paul Romano came forward with the allegation that one of his professors partakes in grade edging, a kink in which educational professionals derive pleasure from keeping students on the cusp of the next best grade. Romano is now asking university administration to re-evaluate the class’s grades and terminate the professor, Jeremy Kochley, immediately.
Romano’s suspicions about Kochley arose while taking ENGL 369 with the professor. According to Romano, his grade sat between an 89 and a 90 throughout the entirety of the semester. “At first, I thought Professor Kochley had a personal vendetta against me,” Romano said. “But when I started asking people about their grades in the class group chat, a pattern started to appear.”
Romano discovered that almost every student in the class was at most half a point away from the next highest grade. Upon further investigation, Romano found dozens of similar reports from students from all around the country. These reports led him to discover Edge-ucation, the online forum for professors with this kink.
“These depraved professors get their rocks off by playing god with our grades,” Romano said. “Their favorite part of the semester is when the students come begging them to round it up a fraction of a point.”
Romano has turned the evidence over to the Dean of Liberal Arts. There is still no word as to how the situation will be handled.
— I Took a Pill in Sbisa
What’s Chartwells serving today? More pasta? Better get in line before –– hey! That guy just cut in front of you! You start to tap him on the shoulder and ask just what the hell he thinks he’s doing, but then you see it: The grown-out platinum hair. The arm decked out in kandi bracelets. The pinpoint pupils. It’s I Took a Pill in Sbisa! He looks at you –– no, through you –– and glides away.