Both Old Ags and Liberal Yuppies Agree Sully’s Cage an Eyesore

Following the recent debate over the statue of Lawrence Sullivan ‘Sul’ Ross and its subsequent defacing, Texas A&M University, a school known for its engineering college, has resorted to the ingenious solution of erecting a giant, haphazard cage to protect the university’s image while taking no definitive stance.

Early Saturday morning before the last home football game, two people stood before the fence and sighed at the university’s latest decision.

Wayne Thompson, class of ’62, said, “Sully is a part of the grand tradition of this school and should stay that way, but if the statue were to be removed, it would be better than the pansy, NSA-surveilled cage they built. It’s like a zoo enclosure for an inanimate object.”

“The cage is nothing but the university waiting us out so we can ‘get over it,’” said Sam Trevino, a political science major and self-proclaimed snowflake. “Until the university finally gets the guts to make a decision, we have to walk past this giant fence and these ugly buildings. This is worse than when they put the white robes over him!”

The MAGA hat wearing Old Ag and the young liberal walked off in separate directions, both knowing deep in their hearts they were correct.

 

— Milidairy Walk and Clockwork Maroon