Yell Leaders: The Band

Last Sunday, the lead singer of the famous band “The Yell Leaders” released the song “Rhode Island Ranch-Hand,” signifying that he was leaving the group to pursue his own solo career.

The once top-of-the-charts group The Yell Leaders, often shortened to YL, was an only male, only-corps, only-5-for-Yell pop boy band formed at Texas A&M University. The group was composed of the lead singer, a white male with short hair, the guitarist, a white male with short hair but with big muscles, the bassist, a white male with short but dark hair, the back up guitarist, a white male with short hair but with an allergy to gluten, and the drummer, a shorter white male with short hair.

YL’s fans, ranging from squealing young girls to passionate older men, were disheartened to hear the news of the singer’s choice to leave the band. “I like rip-offs of Flatland Cavalry as much as the next guy, but seeing a talented young man give up on the group’s dreams only to coast off of the band’s success and pursue his own career doesn’t seem right,” said Carl Carpender, president of the YL fan club. Carpender claims he speaks on behalf of many of the band’s followers when he says the band will never be the same without its lead singer.  According to our sources, the white male with the short hair and big muscles will likely take up the mantle as the lead, which should be easy due to his “bad boy charm.”

It is predicted that each member will have varying levels of success depending on their diverse cast type as the pretty white boy, big muscle white boy, or gluten-free white boy. The bandmates will set out on their own paths, but it is expected they will ultimately return to judge Songfest in 10 years.

 

— Haudi Arabia