Online Student Becomes Zoom Zombie

Recent reports have found that students are concerned about changes in their roommates who attend classes completely online. With the majority of social events and classes having shifted to a virtual setting, there has been a steady increase of students who exhibit characteristics of the undead. While little is known about what is happening to these students, many are calling it a Zoom zombie apocalypse.

Stephanie Muñoz’s roommates have reported an array of concerning symptoms displayed by their friend, such as lack of motivation, confusion, restlessness, and Muñoz thinking her “camera” is turned off as she walks around the apartment with no pants.

“My roommate Stephanie has lost the ability to distinguish between real life and Zoom,” said Cassie Roth. “Sometimes she even walks up to us and ‘mutes’ us. Once, she asked me where I was after I told her I was on campus. That is when I knew she had become a full-on Zoombie.”

This condition has been developing in many students who never leave their apartment and is even more prevalent among those enrolled in asynchronous classes. With no commitments and little to fill their days, those without even a class to be on time for have nothing better to do than roam the apartment in search of brain-power. Symptoms are expected to worsen if Zoombies’ calendars stay empty for much longer.

Those who don’t attend classes on campus should consider themselves at risk and should seek normal human interaction immediately. Those who do attend in-person classes are advised to seek shelter in the event this Zoombie condition continues to spread.

 

— Hannibal Lechner and Clockwork Maroon