Hero Prospective Student Reduces Campus Racism by Outing Self as Bigot

This article originally appeared in The Mugdown’s Fall 2020 print edition. To view a digital copy of the print edition, click here.

According to university officials, prospective freshman Wayne Cox independently withdrew his intent to attend Texas A&M University this fall after uploading a series of racist posts online. Despite announcing his prejudices, many students commended Cox for doing more to purge racism from campus than the university itself.

“Exposing myself as a raging bigot before I even set foot on campus is the least I could do for the Texas A&M community,” said Cox when asked for comment. “It was important to let my fellow Aggies know I was a danger to everyone around me and that people should stay well away from me as a human being in general. I think that we all have our part to play in making the world a better place.”

This news comes in the wake of Texas A&M’s announcement that they would begin investigating racist social media posts online. Still, officials say they had no hand in the prospective student’s decision not to attend the university. After being briefed on the situation, members of the task force were reported to have looked through the Student Rules and shrugged their shoulders.

“We’re lucky to have kids like Wayne who withdraw from Texas A&M willingly because we never actually expel anyone for that kind of thing,” said Donna Wilkins, a university spokesperson. “Some of these guys do our job better than we do.”

— Plaid Libs