5th Year Seniors Unhappy With Victory Lap Experience
Reports indicate that 5th-year seniors are unhappy with their victory lap experience due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
These “slower moving” seniors had high hopes for a strong football season, an easy course load, and nightly trips to Northgate. Now, all they have left is Zoom calls, day drinking, and disappointment.
What should have been a final coast to graduation prior to entering the workforce is now a bleak shell of a school year lost in the potential of what could have been. Failing classes like MATH 152 and POLS 207 managed to backfire in more ways than just a blemished GPA.
Some 5th-year seniors are said to have planned their victory lap as early as fall of 2016. Sadly, their extensive planning was thwarted in one of the most unforeseeable ways possible.
Rumors have surfaced that dedicated 5th-year seniors have strategically saved their Q-Drops in order to attempt a rare second victory lap to become a 6th-year senior. Expectations for a second victory lap have a significantly better outlook but are a gamble nonetheless.
— Longboard of Regents
You know that douchebag that rides his longboard in the “No Bike Zone” between the Memorial Student Center and Rudder? Yeah, that’s our Longboard of Regents. When he actually shows up to meetings, you can count on him to sit in the back and Juul with his head drooping to the side as he tries not to fall asleep.