Imposter Syndrome Epidemic Sole Sustainer of Higher Education Industry
Following news that the coronavirus pandemic has led to surges in the value of specific services in the economy, researchers have begun to look into how the well-documented imposter syndrome epidemic has affected various industries. In a recent study, Texas A&M University sociology professor Andy Norton found that, without imposter syndrome, the university system might cease to exist.
Norton’s research findings show that university systems have used the imposter syndrome epidemic for decades to bring in cheap and passion-driven labor. Characterized by a chronic lack of self-esteem and poor opinion of the value of your own work, the psychological syndrome has run rampant through universities for decades, and few remedies have been found. Students affected by the disease show a variety of symptoms including working 40+ hours a week in research rooms for next to no pay, buying lunches solely from university stores due to lack of time to meet basic needs, and saying “yes” to every new job sprung on them for fear that they will never get on track to a tenured professorship without it.
When interviewed about the epidemic, President Michael K. Young said, “Why do you think we’ve cut funding for mental health programs at our university? We’d crumble without our professors and graduate students’ pervasive anxiety over academic success and personal sustainability in doing something they love.” Following the interview, President Young left his office at 5 p.m. with the rest of his staff, smiling while waving to dazed graduate students conducting research at their designated sleeping bag spots next to the vending machines.
Students seem to be perplexingly accepting of the dangers of this epidemic. As an exhibit of this phenomenon, materials science graduate student Pierce Caldwell was spotted last week holed up in his research lab with seven bags of Cheetos and a trough of coffee. While his research advisor let The Mugdown know that Caldwell was happy and there of his own accord, he has not been seen since.
— The Maroon Scare
Remember that time you were walking on campus at night and saw a dark figure lurking by the main campus Aggie Express? You felt your hand twitch towards your phone, tempted to call the Corps Escort service or UPD. You began to sweat, wondering if you were just imagining the shrouded body. Don’t worry, that was just The Maroon Scare, an enigma within The Mugdown. Rumor has it, if you catch sight of The Maroon Scare on campus, you will not be engaged by the time you graduate.