Introvert Finally Feels Sense of Superiority for Spending Saturday Night Alone

Introverts have long skipped out on social gatherings, but with new COVID-19 restrictions, their lifestyles have become lauded overnight. Those who opt to stay in rather than go out and party can now feel a sense of moral superiority not often seen in those spending their weekends alone watching Netflix.

We found one student wanting to explain what she’s been doing to slow the spread of COVID-19. “I know a lot of people just want to hang out, but I’ve decided to make the responsible decision to just watch my friend’s party over Snapchat,” said self-proclaimed introvert Payton Willis. “I mean, that’s what I usually do, but right now it just feels extra important that I do my best to keep others safe.”

When asked about how she feels about her friends being in large groups without masks, Willis answered honestly. “I used to feel kind of left out when I saw pictures of my friends hanging out without me on social media,” Willis said. “Now, I just report them to the campus police and sleep soundly knowing I am a better person for staying in.”

While many people claim this face-to-face interaction is necessary, Willis knows that it is dangerous and unimportant. “Every time I hear what my classmates did over the weekend with their friends, I make sure to remind them that it’s actually really reckless,” she said. “I know some people are extroverted, but if I can stay in, so can they.”

 

— Hannibal Lechner