High School Classmate With Most Successful Parents Now Least Successful Person
Last Friday, Sam Begley, Westgate High School alum and son of OilStrike CFO Edward Begley, was seen working at Pacsun in the Barton Square Creek Mall. While reports earlier this year claimed Begley was still attending Baylor University, sources have confirmed that Begley dropped out and returned home to live with his parents.
Begley decided to leave the university because it “wasn’t for him.” His former roommate said Begley failed his first exam after procrastinating studying and spending the night before playing video games. He then proceeded to miss five other exams later in the semester after sleeping through them.
Begley’s high school classmates expressed no surprise when told the news. Several classmates reported that he came to school late at least three times a week, each time showing up a few minutes into second period with a cup from Chick-fil-a.
“Oh, my little Sammy just needed a break from school!” said Sam’s mother, Laurie Begley. “He’ll go back as soon as he’s ready. I believe in him, and I know he can do whatever he sets his mind to. I don’t want him to feel like I’m overbearing, so I usually just give him some space. My husband, though, forced him to at least get a job.” Begley’s father Edward was unavailable and could not be reached for comment.
Many parents of Westgate High School students have criticized the school for letting students graduate without preparing them for university life. Citing that their children are “smart but unmotivated,” the parents have started discussing which high school faculty member is responsible for these mistakes and needs to be fired.
“Yeah, sometimes I pass kids who struggle a bit too much with adding fractions,” said one anonymous Westgate High School science teacher. “But I don’t want them another year, and it’s not like the parents or students will really change anything if I fail them.”
Begley remains uncertain about future plans. “I might go back to college — I mean, all I need is a degree, and Dad can get me a good job. But for now, I’ve got it pretty good, so what’s the rush?”
— Anime Sciences
Treading silently through the Kleberg Center amongst the yeeyees and horse girls, we find Anime Sciences making his way to class with his head bowed. An inattentive freshmen accidentally walks into him, and suddenly the crowded hallway goes hush. A mind-bendingly long series of close-ups, confused grunts, and angry growls signals the triggering of Anime Sciences’ wrath as he unsheathes his katana from its holster. Uttering a rapid flurry of insults in English that somehow don’t match the movement of his lips, he challenges the freshman to either flee or face certain death. The fish scampers off. Order is restored in West Campus.