Financial Aid Office Decides to ‘Take Some Time Apart’ From You All
In a statement released yesterday, the Financial Aid office declared that they will be severing ties with Texas A&M University.
Citing their recent inability to respond promptly to any emails or calls from the student body, the office has concluded that they are too overwhelmed to do the work necessary in keeping up with all student finances.
“Maybe this isn’t the best situation for either of us,” read the tearstained, handwritten note delivered to Mugdown staff offices in the middle of the night. “I think we should take some time apart. I’ve tried my best for so long, but I really feel like I’m starting to overextend myself.”
After receiving this note, we have verified that we are now blocked by them on their private Instagram. Inside sources say that, upon reflection, Financial Aid has decided they will be taking a gap year to backpack around Europe.
“How many good years do I even have left?” read the last post on their account. “Soon I’m gonna be old and useless, and what will I have done? Handed out money for years with not so much as a thank you? I can’t do just this for the rest of my life. I need to figure out what I really want for myself.”
— Squat Pilgrim
Look, you didn’t ask for your roommate to be the buffest guy in the hall. You’re not opposed to staying fit, but if we’re being honest, you have no idea what this guy is up to most of the time. He’s always drinking brightly colored concoctions, going on about PRs, and blasting the worst music you’ve ever heard while he takes mirror pic after mirror pic. You can’t deny it though: the dude’s got some thighs. Some thick, thunderous, meaty thighs. Sometimes you wonder if it’s really jealousy you’re feeling or if it’s… something else. Never mind.