Quadbucks Catering to Bootchasers with New Drink

Due to increased interest, Quadbucks has just released a new drink called “The Bootchaser.” Exclusive to the Starbucks located on the Quadrangle, the drink is made of a mix of nonfat caramel latte and desperation, with khaki-colored sprinkles and a boot drawn in the foam. Each cup also sports the number of an eligible senior cadet written in Sharpie right under your misspelled name.

“It just made sense,” said a Quadbucks barista, “90 percent of our customers are bootchasers who stay here for hours on end in the hopes of getting their hands on a pair of boots. This drink takes all that uncertainty away by instantly pairing you with a senior cadet.”

The drink is three times as expensive as any other beverage, but Quadbucks employees don’t seem concerned about the drink selling well. In fact, some are even scared they won’t have enough senior phone numbers to keep up with demand. Talks are taking place about selling pre-orders for the coming fall when a new batch of boots will be ready for chasing.

“It’s just perfect,” said Brittany Greene, a prospective buyer of the new “Bootchaser” drink. “I don’t even like coffee, but I’ve been coming here every day for hours to catch the attention of a senior. But now, this drink will help me reach my goal within four years!”

While no one seems to know why the acquiring of boots transforms cadets into desirable bachelors, the results are undeniable. All bootchasers are encouraged to put on their best oversized shirt and head over to Quadbucks as soon as possible while supplies last.

 

— Weeb King Gill